Christian Living Today

How do you comfort someone who has just been hit, maybe for the second, third, or even fourth time, by hard providence? What do you say? What do you do? What should you say? What should you do?

Trials come in various degrees. Some leave you rocked but basically intact. Others threaten your foundation and leave you reeling and hollow inside. Many of us have experienced the first - some the second.

An introductory caution is important: Each person is an individual. The more devastating a trial, the more gentle and sensitive must be your response. The more heartbroken your brother or sister, the more you must demonstrate God’s love.

First, let us look at what we should NOT do. We have all heard someone say, “God is working everything for your good!” This is TRUE. At some point, our hurting brother or sister needs to hear this. However, it requires extreme sensitivity when sharing truth with our brothers and sisters in their time of trial. Sadly, few modern-day Christians are so in tune with their Father, so tender in their heart, so sensitive to the reality of pain, or so committed to truth to have a clue when to speak and when to be silent.

This is just another reasons Christians ought to be seeking to draw closer to their Lord. To feed at His table regularly and fully. To pray for wisdom. To seek understanding. To know more than a few ‘pat’ answers.

Thus I would suggest: If you have never experienced hard Providence which rocks you to your core, and if you are not feeding deeply upon God’s word, walking closely by His side, and seeking, above all else to serve Him faithfully - DON’T go reminding others about what you have never experienced - either in reality or through God working upon your heart.

Sadly enough, there are those out there who will read this and say, “Oh, I know exactly what you mean! I have been there, and I have such a relationship with God.” Yet, in reality they are the busybody seeking to stick their nose where it does not belong or share wisdom they do not have. God forbid real Christians should ever fill such a destructive role!

Second, people who are dealing with hard providence are deeply hurting people. Depending upon the point at which you come into their situation, there may be nothing you can do or say. Your presence may not even be a comfort.

We must remember, several things influence a Christian’s response to the hardest providence:

One: Their relationship with God.

Two: Their gender

Three: Their personality and emotional stability

Four: The length, duration and intensity of their trial(s).

The best tool Christians have for dealing with hard providence is a deep, growing, abiding relationship with their Heavenly Father. The closer they have walked, the more they have glimpsed eternal reality, the more they have embraced Scriptural truth, the more they will be equipped to deal with the trials God, in His sovereignty, allows to enter their lives.

Women are usually more devastated by the most difficult challenges. Due to their emotional makeup, women tend to allow themselves to feel more deeply. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but, in general, a woman’s emotions tend to be more raw - more close to the surface - during the hardest trials. On the other hand, some women can hold it together through the first few days or even weeks - keeping their hands busy. However, at some point, they may find themselves suddenly overwhelmed and unable to cope.

A Christian’s personality and emotional stability also play a large role in how they respond to the most difficult trials. While one person may be rocked to their core and yet cling to and apply the truths of Scripture - in spite of their overwhelming pain - another may be found cowering and cringing, overwhelmed by fear and helplessness and possibly nearly incoherent in their confusion and hurt.

Finally, the intensity, duration, and degree of the challenges God allows to cross their paths will make a large impact. Read the first and second chapters of Job. Here you see an example of a husband and wife who are struck, repeatedly, by the hardest trials. Financial ruin. Heart wrenching loss of family. Severe physical infirmities. It just kept coming.

Sometimes, in the life of a Christian, trials come like a flood. You are struck once. While you are still reeling, the second comes along. Then, when you think you have seen the worst, something more is piled on top. Obviously this greatly intensifies the pain, the confusion, the questions!

How, then, do we as Christians show the love of Christ to our brothers and sisters facing such a situation?

1) Recognize ‘who’ you are seeking to comfort. The four points above are intended give a starting point to begin thinking through your response. Rushing in without thought and prayer is never the right response. Hiding behind an excuse and thus failing to reach out is also never right.

We are commanded to weep with those who weep (Ro 12:15). We are to bear one another’s burdens (Gal 6:2). We are to love our brothers and sisters with God’s kind of love. This requires sensitivity to our friends and our God.

2) Prepare in advance. Know your Bible. This doesn’t mean you have to be a Bible scholar. It also does not mean your goal is to ‘figure out’ why God has allowed them to suffer (and then share your great wisdom with them). Your responsibility is to be in tune with your Father’s heart (as revealed in His word) so you can be His hands reaching out to embrace them, His arms helping them carry their load.

3) Put aside your own feelings. Don’t come with your ‘speech’ all prepared determined to say what you are convinced they need to hear. Do not be Job’s friends - certain of your own ‘rightness’ and determined to uncover their hidden sin or failure!

4) Above all - seek to be gentle, compassionate, loving, and sensitive. The last thing your hurting brother or sister needs is a do-gooder friend coming alongside to ‘help’ them where they do not WANT help. Respect your friend’s requests for privacy. Respect their desires for confidentiality. Give them space. Give them room. But, let them know you want to do whatever you can do to help them bear this burden.

5) Pray. Pray. Pray. Then pray some more. God is working in this situation. However, God delights in answering the prayers of His people. Thus you can ALWAYS uphold your suffering sisters and brothers in prayer.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS